Hustler Region: 5 Starbucks vs. 12 Solid Snake

X back at it again mob squad as today M.O.B. brings you a battle from the Hustler Region. Tonight, the 12th ranked Solid Snake infiltrates the home court of 5th ranked Starbucks. Who will win as these hustlers grind it out tonight?

Snake comes into this as the key protagonist in the Metal Gear Solid video games where he acts as a special ops soldier, spy and gun for hire. Snake is a flat out Mack because with him, he could bitch slap you and you wouldn't even see it coming. With Snake it's all about stealth and that is his greatest asset. Snake single handedly takes on his brother Liquid Ocelot, which is also his twin and at the same time him and his father, i know it's weird, mechanical nuclear robots that are out to destroy the world. He lacks the flashy skills of say, Raiden but isn't as fruity as him either, in fact Snake oozes machismo like Razor Ramon status. Snake is so bad ass that he continues to kick Ocelot and Metal Gear ass as an old geezer. He fucking kept on pimping into his golden years and if thats not the dream for any baller, i don't know what is.

However Snake steps unto Starbucks' field where entrepreneurship is their bread and butter. Starbucks started as a small coffee shop in Seattle and has grown exponentially into a massive conglomerate. Starbucks is actually synonymous with big business and monopolizing assets. In fact Starbucks has been accused of violating several fair trade practices and imposing American imperialism on countries.

When you break the match up down though, Starbucks seems like the clear winner into you realize that by the time it takes a Starbucks barista to pour you a house coffee, Solid Snake would have already infiltrated their headquarters, taken out their CEO, downloaded their plan for world domination from his mainframe and sent it back to Otacon and set off a time bomb ready to take down the corporation with a touch of a button. Snake in all his stealthy glory just hustled Starbucks. Starbucks learned a hard lesson today, you can't fight what you can't see. Let that be a lesson to all mob squad members.

Aristocrat Region: 4 The BCS vs. 13 Morpheus

What up fellow Moguls, hopefully none of you got hustled last night and were just being your baller-selves on St. Patrick's Day. Emcee X checkin in again, with some of the latest match ups that are about to take place today in Mogul Madness. Last time the Cinderella's ruled the day... will that continue as,

4 The BCS takes on 13 Morpheus

First we have the machine like BCS taking on everyone's favorite machine fighter Morpheus.

The BCS is machine like because of its lack of empathy it has for so many deserving football programs across America, year in and year out. For those not in the know, The BCS stands for The Bowl Championship Series and is used in the NCAA Football Bowl Sub Subdivision or commonly known as Div. I schools such as USC, Texas, Miami, Florida and Noguls like Vanderbilt (more on Vandy in another post) and basically every team in the Big Ten... yeah i said it, the Big Ten is just whack. Anyways, back to the BCS. The BCS attempts to match up the #1 and #2 teams annually but somehow manage to fuck up all the time. The reason the BCS drops the proverbial ball is because it uses a series of computer polls to determine rankings and not actual on field results. The BCS is a straight up hustler though for the fact that A. they keep the non power conferences out of the mix, never allowing them to move up. Which is something any mogul should look to do and B. the only way that you can change the BCS is by submitting a proposal to the BCS and having them vote on whether or not they get rid of themselves?!?

Are you kidding me? That's just down right gangsta on all levels, straight up ballin!

However, don't count Morpheus out so quickly. Morpheus is the captain of the Nebuchadnezzar and is the only playa, to ever rock the rimless and frame less sunglasses. A classic mogul move right there. Not only is he unique in that sense, he is also a cold blooded killer. You all saw how he did in those ghost twins in that Escalope with a fucking samurai sword to top things off. He also straight up hustled, and i mean hustled Neo into thinking he was the one when he really wasn't the one.

However, when the machines were baring down on Zion, Morpheus, his woman Niobe and the rest of the humans had to sit back and watch themselves get killed by the machines. If it wasn't for Neo, they would all be dead. If the tournament could take place in the Matrix, Morpheus could stand a better chance, but this is the real world son, and in the real, the behemoth machine the BCS will do to Zion and Morpheus what the machines in the movie were going to do.

Morpheus out, The BCS in

Noguls: The Baller's Natural Enemy

MCX and JP Swiss are just a couple of devils in the City of Angels, L.A. CA.

Mogul Madness 09 is officially open for business. And I couldn't agree more that the Outworld Tournament is nothing compared to MM09. Sorry, but Johnny Cage is a low-blow, snot throwing, primadonna mark ass mark.

Speaking of trick ass tricks, we have to talk about something important, Mob Squad. As we all know, you cannot have one thing without having its opposite. Thus, it is my solemn duty to introduce the concept of the Nogul. If a mogul is an industry leading, bleeding edge hustler, the nogul is its polar foil. A playa hater, style biter, triflin' ass wanksta is a nogul.

Jar Jar Binks.

Ja Rule.

All of the Los Angeles Clippers.

All of these fools bring a tear to my eye, and the eye of every true blue blood baller out there. Who is the biggest Nogul of them all? Let me know what you think, and we'll get back at you with our judgment.

-SWZA

Mogul Madness Brackets

64 Rounds of grindin' till the stash is done
Hustlers bow down cuz there is just one
The quintessential mogul feat
To be crowned, champion of the streets...

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
Get cha' popcorn ready

Mogul Madness 2009 is upon us!
(Que the epic music)

Yeah, so we hustled the music, but if i can be real for a second, that outworld tournament has nothing on Mogul Madness. This is it kids, the big dance every industry leader dreams of competing in.

And without further adieu here are the final brackets:

Click the image to see the entire brackets in a bigger window on your computer. This image will be updated as the winners move on.

And I would be a straight wanksta here if I didn't speak a little about the tournament. After the exciting PLAYA'S PLAY IN ROUND where Toe Jam and Earl defeated Rick Ross, all the regions were set (Overlord, Aristocrat, Hustler and Baller) each of which will be hotly contested. With front runners and underdogs spread about. Hands down though and I think Swiss would agree, the Overlord Region has got to be considered, top to bottom the toughest region of the tournament. With odds on favorite to win, Standard Oil having the number 1 spot on lockdown, along with moguls like Jay Z, Dr. Hammond and the Montreal Screwjob. But mob squad let us not sleep on other moguls in the other regions, including but not limited to, The BCS, The Monopoly Guy, Oprah, The Godfather, The Louisiana Purchase, Cigarette Companies and the Wu-Tang Clan.

So stay tuned where in the upcoming posts we will breakdown each match-up and reveal the winners. Mob squad and everyone as a matter a fact, feel free to leave comments on who you think will win and who knows, if you can correctly predict the winner of the inaugural Mogul Madness there could be a perk package for you, courtesy of M.O.B.

So Moguls, hustlers, player's, pimps, industry leaders, macks and ballers have that baby powder by your side and get ready to keep those ho's in line

X, out.

Mogul Madness 2009, Bitches!

JP Swiss checking in, and I must say it's rare to be part of such a momentous occasion. Rare for you, actually, because it doesn't even phase a baller such as myself. Just another Monday for Swiss.

But the real news here is the announcement of MOGUL MADNESS 2009. This is the tournament that features only the realest ballers, hustlers, moguls, industry leaders, macks, pimps, and captains of capitalism battling it out to determine who is the number 1 playa of all.

We'll be unveiling the match ups and results over the coming posts, but as a special treat, we're getting right into the action with our PLAYA'S PLAY IN ROUND featuring "Everyday I'm Hustlin'" Rick Ross and straight outta Funkatron Toe Jam and Earl. Each of these worthy moguls is fighting for the 16th seed in the Overlord Region.


Rick Ross earned the coveted M.O.B. nod by virtue of his hustler's anthem, "Everday I'm Hustlin'." Reppin' the MIA, he cuts em wide, he cuts em long, he cuts em fat. He's steady slangin' llello and his Chevy is banging hey-oh.

But how does he stack up against the intergalactic industry leaders of funk, Toe Jam and Earl?

When TJ let's Big Earl drive their banging spaceship, all hell breaks loose. Their baller-ass rocket disintegrates all over Earth, and they must recover the pieces to get home. Along the way, they teach the square citizens of our planet how to live, love, and get trapped in jars, all in typically funky fashion.

Toe Jam and Earl are strong candidates, no doubt, but in this match up, the truth about Rick Ross is more damaging than any tomato they could ever throw.

Let it be known far and wide, MOB Squad faithful, that Rick Ross' true name is in fact William Leonard Roberts Jr.

Leonard?!
Junior?!

Well good day, sir. I said "good day!"

If that weren't enough, he actually lifted his name from "Freeway" Rick Ross, the notorious Los Angeles drug dealer who was implicated in the Iran-Contra scandal! I'm sorry William, but when you jack another man's real name to be your stage name, you can't be a true mack.

In fact, I'm starting to suspect that you don't even know Noriega, real or otherwise, and that he probably doesn't owe you a hundred favors!

Combine this shocking truth with the (even more!) shocking truth that Roberts was a prison guard?

Well it's just no contest.

So ladies and gentleman, I present your first victor in the 2009 Mogul Madness Tournament, Toe Jam and Earl! They win the right to join the prestigious Overlord Region as the 16th seed.

Will their luck and funk continue? Can they slay yet another dragon?

Stay tuned...

Swiss