Mogul Madness 2009, Bitches!

JP Swiss checking in, and I must say it's rare to be part of such a momentous occasion. Rare for you, actually, because it doesn't even phase a baller such as myself. Just another Monday for Swiss.

But the real news here is the announcement of MOGUL MADNESS 2009. This is the tournament that features only the realest ballers, hustlers, moguls, industry leaders, macks, pimps, and captains of capitalism battling it out to determine who is the number 1 playa of all.

We'll be unveiling the match ups and results over the coming posts, but as a special treat, we're getting right into the action with our PLAYA'S PLAY IN ROUND featuring "Everyday I'm Hustlin'" Rick Ross and straight outta Funkatron Toe Jam and Earl. Each of these worthy moguls is fighting for the 16th seed in the Overlord Region.


Rick Ross earned the coveted M.O.B. nod by virtue of his hustler's anthem, "Everday I'm Hustlin'." Reppin' the MIA, he cuts em wide, he cuts em long, he cuts em fat. He's steady slangin' llello and his Chevy is banging hey-oh.

But how does he stack up against the intergalactic industry leaders of funk, Toe Jam and Earl?

When TJ let's Big Earl drive their banging spaceship, all hell breaks loose. Their baller-ass rocket disintegrates all over Earth, and they must recover the pieces to get home. Along the way, they teach the square citizens of our planet how to live, love, and get trapped in jars, all in typically funky fashion.

Toe Jam and Earl are strong candidates, no doubt, but in this match up, the truth about Rick Ross is more damaging than any tomato they could ever throw.

Let it be known far and wide, MOB Squad faithful, that Rick Ross' true name is in fact William Leonard Roberts Jr.

Leonard?!
Junior?!

Well good day, sir. I said "good day!"

If that weren't enough, he actually lifted his name from "Freeway" Rick Ross, the notorious Los Angeles drug dealer who was implicated in the Iran-Contra scandal! I'm sorry William, but when you jack another man's real name to be your stage name, you can't be a true mack.

In fact, I'm starting to suspect that you don't even know Noriega, real or otherwise, and that he probably doesn't owe you a hundred favors!

Combine this shocking truth with the (even more!) shocking truth that Roberts was a prison guard?

Well it's just no contest.

So ladies and gentleman, I present your first victor in the 2009 Mogul Madness Tournament, Toe Jam and Earl! They win the right to join the prestigious Overlord Region as the 16th seed.

Will their luck and funk continue? Can they slay yet another dragon?

Stay tuned...

Swiss