Friday, March 27, 2009

Aristocrat Region: 2 Wu Tang Clan vs. 15 Gandalf

What's up Mob Squad, Emcee X here bringing ya one of the most anticipated first round match ups of the tournament. Today we get to witness an epic battle in scope and size as the Uruk-hai smashing Gandalf takes on the RZA, the GZA, the Ghostface Killah and the entire Wu-Tang Clan!

Lets begin with Gandalf, who began his mogul journey as Gandalf the Grey. When he went to the shire to visit his homie Bilbo, while toking some herb from a fat pipe which mob squad is always a sign of a true hustler, he discovered that bitch Bilbo was hiding some awesome bling.

He straight up coped that shit from Bilbo and went on to form a fucking fellowship of his ring. Back then a fellowship was like in today's terms if you formed a massive corporation, that shit just didn't happen everyday yo! This fellowship went on and just hustled the shit out of middle earth. The list of casualties include; GrĂ­ma Wormtongue, Sauron, the punk ass Saruman and one of the all time classic noguls the Steward of Gondor Denethor.

Gandalf not only was a playa in his first life on middle earth when he died, he came back as an even stronger pimp in the form of Gandalf the White. Most pimps and playas can only sustain that level of hustlin over one lifetime but Gandalf was able to continue his hustling, even by hustlin death and come back... at the turn of the tide to smack some bitches up!

However Gandalf is dealing with a most formidable foe in the entire Wu Tang Clan. Which includes the RZA, which is short for the Razor, The GZA aka the Genius, the Ol'Dirty Bastard, Inspectah Deck, Raekwon the chef, Mr. Meth the Method Man, the Ghostface Killah, U-God and the Masta Killa.

The members of the Wu Tang Clan all have massive street cred and are one of the all time greatest hip hop groups to ever grace a stage. They have their hands in everything from clothing lines, movies video games. These 9 men are some of the dopest entrepreneurs ever.

The Wu Tang Clan is all about taking heads off and swinging swords like shinobi. They are legit gangstas and will fuck you up. They came up with one of the all time greatest acronyms in CREAM (Cash Rules Everything Around Me) which should be a standard all Moguls should follow their lives by.

So how should this fight be decided on... well if it was up to Meth, and I'm sure Gandalf would not mind, they would probably engage all the participants in this match up in a pre-fight smoke sesh. Like Method says, "roll that shit, light that shit and smoke it". So after everyone is in the proper mind set for the match-up, the only way to decide this fight is of course by bringing in a Balrog in and see who survives.

First of all the Balrog is a great enemy to encounter and this time Gandalf won't have the halls of Moria to save his ass. The Balrog would most likely take out U-God, Masta Killa first seeing as they are the weak links to the clan. Of course ODB would most likely be too high to fight and would walk into a whip attack. Gandalf and RZA, the abbot would be holding their ground. While GZA, Meth, Ghostface and Deck would be attacking from behind. Raekwon would be cooking up some coke since he's the chef but since he was not paying attention he would get axed next.

This epic fight could go on until, Gandalf finally would slay the Balrog after two days and nights and when the fight was over and Gandalf was about to claim victory, Deck would shank him. The remaining members of the clan would then proceed to dump his body in the subterranean lake at the bottom of the great halls of Moria.

The Wu just hustled Gandalf into destroying the Balrog for them and then in appropriate mob style, thanked him appropriately.

Remember, Wu Tang Clan ain't nuthin to Fuck wit! Wu Tang Clan ain't nuthin to Fuck wit!

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